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That Time I Became The Weirdo At The Car Wash


So, I am kind of a freak about vacuuming. Like I really love to vacuum and I love how clean it makes everything look.

I even spend some random lunchtimes vacuuming out my truck to keep it looking clean.

I have a certain self detail/car wash place that I go to that is right near my work – I like this particular one because the shop vac thing they have there is amazing. It seriously will suck up like, anything it works so good.

And I dont want to get all dramatic here, because I am not usually a paranoid person, but when I am there, vacuuming out my car, I have this weird fear of someone murdering or trying to kidnap me there.

Which, there really is no reason to be afraid because we live in a ritzy snooty area and this detailing place is right on the side of a 4 lane busy main road that runs through our little town, it is right next to a Verizon Wireless store, expensive Italian restaurant, and a cafe. Nothing shady.

But sometimes there are…strange people there, and it is just something about the loud vacuum going while I am leaning in my truck with my back to the outside that makes me constantly look over my shoulder.

If I could vacuum with one hand and hold a gun in the other, I would (kidddddding).

One time when I went there, there was a woman sleeping by the dumpster. Again, this is something you wouldnt usually see in our little town so it was sorta strange. She didnt seem homeless (she was dressed pretty well actually) and she was laying on a little cushy chair thing. Maybe she just needed a nap on her lunch hour?

Needless to say, I parked somewhere where I was facing her and could keep my eye on her, because for some reason something about a lady sleeping by a dumpster makes me feel uneasy. Oh, and when I started up the vacuum, she had the nerve to shoot me a nasty look like how dare I wake her up?

I digress, because this story isnt about her.

Anyway, because of this weird uneasiness I get while I’m there, I often hurry through my little cleaning/vacuuming process. I get in there, throw all my trash out in their little trash bin, do a quick vacuum, do a quick wipe down of my truck, and then get out of there.

Well, yesterday when I was there I was doing my usual hurrying and I did something stupid.

I sucked up my car keys.


How could you suck up a whole keychain, you ask? I have two sets of keys, one big one I just keep in my purse with all my work and other miscellaneous keys (because I hate a big clunky keychain in my ignition) and then I have a small set that has just my truck key and key fab for my autostart/alarm, house key and mailbox key.

Keys (Ignore the tape on the key fab, I drop it frequently and the battery always
pops out so now it wont even hold together)

Wellllllll I always take my key out of the ignition while I’m doin’ my vacuum thing because I cant stand the dinging while the doors’ open. This particular time I threw it in the middle console amidst my hurrying and somehow the super strong vacuum sucked them up.

That is not the first time something like this happened, one time I sucked up Torrance’s really nice set of headphones (the small ear bud style) and couldnt recover them. When he asked about them a few days later I told him that he must have left them somewhere.

Girlfriend of the year award.

Anyway, obviously in this case I needed to actually recover the item since it was my car keys because I wasnt going anywhere without them. And what the hell? The vacuum thing is locked (for whatever reason?)

I had to call my coworker to tell her I would be late back from lunch and gave her a quick explanation (she laughed).

I called the stupid phone number that was on the wall of the carwash for “assistance” but got no where (of course) so I had to take matters into my own hands. Luckily there is a screw driver set in the back of my truck so I sat there and unscrewed the 10 stupid screws holding on the the bottom panel of the giant vacuum. THANKFULLY it appears they had emptied it recently because there wasnt a lot in there.

I made a makeshift glove out of a plastic bag that was in my truck and reached in and dug my keys out, all the while getting weird looks from other carwash patrons.

And since I always feel the need to have to explain myself, even though no one actually asked, I was all like “oh, I just sucked up my car keys when I was vacuuming my truck!….I tried to call the number for help….but…”

Yes, I looked like a jackass standing there in my heels with a plastic grocery bag over one hand and a screw driver in the other digging around in the public vacuum at the car wash.

I guess at least no one, like, called the cops or anything.

Maybe me and the girl sleeping by the dumpster need to have lunch someday.


Moral of story. Dont be stupid.

  • Is there anywhere you go frequently that makes you feel kinda paranoid?
  • Last time you did something stupid in public?
11 Comments Post a comment
  1. My heart goes out to you! That is absolutely horrible!!!!!!
    As per your questions, my boyfriends house paranoids me. Just the outside of his house. He lives in the country, so the neighbours are not stacked on top of each other so they 1-2 acres apart (not too bad) BUT, I have seen wayyyyy too many criminal minds/CSI episodes. I will not go outside alone after dark. Someone may come out of a bush with a taser and attack me and I will have to fight for my like until Dr. Spenser Reid can come save me.
    Last time I did something stupid in public?.. Hmm, these happen a lot and I cannot think of one incident at the top of my head. My mom however? One time she grabbed some guys hand thinking it was my dads – it was not. Oh and one time she got into some other mans car as it was the same make/model and got in, seat belt on, bitched about the line up and then said “oops, youre not my husband” and left.

    January 11, 2013
    • Bahahahaha the car thing kills me!!! That seems like smthn I would do.

      January 11, 2013
      • It is quite funny. She said what was worse was that the man let her go on about the line ups and then she had the door closed before he even said anything to her.

        January 11, 2013
  2. HA this is amazing. I love that you just managed your way into the vacuum like it was no big deal. Places I go that make me feel paranoid = basement. Convinced there is some one with a gun at all times. Stupid in public – I have been tripping over my feet A LOT the last two days running, I have come close to biting the dust on multiple occasions.

    January 11, 2013
  3. Hahahah, this is too funny. I’m sure it was awful at the time, but you have a GREAT story to share with other people now. I actually get paranoid when I’m vacuuming my car, too.. not that I’ll be kidnapped, but that someone will steal my car. Same thing at gas stations. I keep my keys ON me when I’m at either one of these places, but it still freaks me out.

    January 11, 2013
  4. oh my goodness this story made me LAUGH!! ha! First I am imagining you vacuuming your car with a gun in the other hand. That is quite the visual. And then you sucking up the keys?!?! HA! I mean it sucked that it happened but its still funny.

    January 13, 2013
  5. LOL, that is hilarious. I’ve had quite a few mishaps with my keys, including a recent one. I sometimes don’t lock my apartment door if I’m going to be gone for a short while. So I left my apartment without the keys….um, duh, I need my keys to start my car! There was no way for me to get in. I’m on the first floor of my apartment building, but the balcony is up off the ground. I had to attempt to climb up and over the balcony. I failed. I had to wait at the front door for someone to come and open the door. :\

    January 14, 2013
  6. omg that sounds awful. i would have never been able to get them out. good job. i’m sure i’ve done much dumber things. just not this week lol

    January 15, 2013
  7. I would have totally flipped out, you are pretty damn resourceful!! At least you got them 🙂

    January 15, 2013
  8. It’s one of those things that is ALMOST worth the pain-in-the-butt factor after the fact, when you have a great story to tell. Also, don’t feel bad about vacuuming up your bf’s headphones… I’ve washed my husband’s iPod… twice.

    January 16, 2013

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